All I Want for Mother's Day Is ... Sleep!
Before you’re a mom, you sleep well. Soundly, uninterruptedly, unmoved by an earthquake or your partner’s snoring (“no, honey, you don’t snore … that was just an 18-wheeler truck outside”). When you have a kid or two or three or four, you get a different type of “sleep”: stolen moments, anxious moments, funny moments, I-Can’t-Believe-This-Is-Happening-to-Me-Moments. But hey, you’ll take Any. Chance. To. Snooze. You. Can. Get. Consider those nights a thing of the past … a dream, really. For Mother’s Day, we put together some highlights of the best Mama Moments on your pillow.
1. The “Sleepwalking While Preparing a Middle-of-the-Night Bottle”
As a new mom, you still remember the times you used to sleep through the night, so these first few months of sleeplessness are particularly hard. Whether you’re breastfeeding, pumping or bottle feeding, soon you will learn to do it all so automatically, you can practically still stay asleep!
2. The “How Long Will He Cry Before I Need to Get Up?”
The tyke’s been home for many months, and it’s time to actually sleep train. Whether you’ve decided to Cry It Out or gradually Ferberize him, from the first wail, your groggy question is how long will he cry before I need to get up? It’s amazing to note that you can still snooze with the wailing in the background.
3. The “Is the House Completely Destroyed Yet?” Dawn Toddler Sleep
Is it morning? The birds are not even up chirping yet – but you’re little one is. Sounds like she’s doing construction on the house. But more likely she’s taking every single book off every shelf in the house and throwing it to the floor. Of course you can sleep through this – you just have to do the equation of how much mess it will be, i.e., will it be better to sleep through it and then clean it up, or get up now to prevent unmitigated disaster?
4. The “No Blood, No Foul” Sleep
“It’s mine!” “No, it’s mine!” Even though your kids are four years apart, they still want to play with the same toy. Like, really, really badly. How long can they go on with this argument? Forever, it seems. Should you go in and intervene? Nah. It’s better to let them work out their own problems. You use the street rule of basketball, “No Blood, No Foul” and throw the pillow over your head to smother out calls of “Mine”!
5. The “I Need a Drink of Water in the Middle of the Night” Sleep
It’s the night she went to sleep without a fuss and you thought you were home free. But of course the minute you got into the most delectable REM cycle, you hear her calling. “Mommy! Mommy! I need a drink of water!” Thankfully, if you remember #1, and also did potty training, you can probably sleepwalk this one too.
6. “I Watched a Scary Movie” Sleep
You told them not to watch that show. You actually turned off the TV – but they put it on the minute you left the room and now they want to crawl into your bed, which would be fine if they didn’t thrash like octopuses and stretch out like giraffes. At a certain point no one even notices that you left to go to the couch.
7. The “Slumber Party Call in the Middle of the Night” Sleep
Yay! A full night at home cuz the kid’s at his first slumber party. You plan a long night of a bath, a home pedicure, a massage from hubby – and who knows what that might lead to? Definitely a good night’s sleep – oh what is that? A midnight call from the other mom that he wants to come home? Nooooooooooooooooooo.
8. The “Is She Off Her Phone/iPad/Computer” Blue Light Sleep
You can see the blue light emanating from under her door. And you go in to tell her to turn off her phone. Then you go in to take her phone. Then you have to go in to take her iPad. And her computer. You can still hear electronics clacking away – you have no idea what other devices she has – but you just give up. If she wants to be a zombie in the morning, you don’t have to be.
9. The “Did He Come Home Last Night?” Half Sleep
You promised him you wouldn’t wait up, that you trust him to make his already-late curfew. But you can’t help keeping one ear open for the door to open and check the clock to really make sure he’s following orders. It’s the kind of sleep when you’re dreaming you woke up already and checked the clock but then you really wake up and check the clock.
10. The “It’s Mother’s Day Can You Do It, Honey?” Sleep
On your birthday, anniversary and Mother’s Day, your partner gets up early, makes the kids breakfast, gets them dressed and takes them out of the house all very quietly so you can have some special time cuddling your mattress. Not to be confused with “Who Can Wait It Out Longer” Sleep, where you feign slumber until your spouse gets up to deal with the morning risers.
Can I get an Amen from all the moms who relate to these 10 mom-sleep moments?
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